


This Is Where I Leave You

by pulchrasilva



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet, Canon Compliant, Deceit | Janus Sanders-centric, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Like he knows he's done bad things but he regrets it, Morally Neutral Deceit | Janus Sanders, Nostalgia, Past minor character death, Post-Episode: Putting Others First - Selfishness v. Selflessness Redux | Sanders Sides, Sad Deceit | Janus Sanders, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, The Imagination Room (Sanders Sides), The Split, kind of, platonic fluff, well more like Janus is hurt and he comforts everyone else but close enough
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:21:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25991266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pulchrasilva/pseuds/pulchrasilva
Summary: Janus often goes to the Imagination in secret, to visit the forest that Romulus made for the two of them. It's here that he mourns the loss of the King and reflects on what his life is like without his best and only friend.But when an unexpected visitor shows up outside the forest, things just might take a turn for the better.
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders & King Creativity, platonic DRLAMP
Comments: 19
Kudos: 93





	1. there's a silent peace in the tragedy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus remembers Romulus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings:  
> past minor character death, grieving, mourning (If any of that bothers you, then this really isn't the fic for you because that's basically the whole plot. Sorry!)  
> a very brief mention of blood
> 
> The title and chapter titles are all from Palace by Hayley Kiyoko. Give it a listen, it's a great song!

Janus glanced down the hallway cautiously before opening the door a crack and slipping through. He picked his way across the floor that was scattered with various objects he tried not to look too hard at. Remus’ room was in a constant state of disarray, and he’d learnt the hard way that interacting with anything there often includes some kind of poison, acid, or miscellaneous body parts. It's best to focus elsewhere.

Janus thankfully made it to the other side of the room with no disasters other than what looked like specks of _blood_ on his _favourite gloves._ Ugh. He pulled them off and stuffed them in to his pocket.

Finally, he reached the portal into the Imagination and stepped into it, waiting for the now familiar sensation of being stretched and twisted along the inter-dimensional tunnel. The breath was flung from his lungs as colours rushed past him in a blur that had him squeezing his eyes shut. Then, as quickly as it had begun, Janus was spat onto the ground where he sprawled onto the floor gracelessly. Yes, actually spat. Remus seemed to find it amusing to shape the portal like a mouth. It curled into something resembling a person’s expression after spitting out a wayward fly that strayed into their mouth, and promptly disappeared.

The deceitful side lay on the floor until the stars cleared from his vision, and the nausea receded, the world finally deciding which way was up. This portal was certainly the most unpleasant of the three in the Mind Palace – the communal one in the living room felt more like waking up from a restful nap; Roman’s portal was akin to walking through clouds. However, there wasn’t much choice. He couldn’t use the shared portal without being spotted by the many sides who passed through there every day. Janus used to use Roman’s, but the prince hadn’t left his room since the _fiasco_ a few months ago, so there was no way he could sneak in there unnoticed.

Besides, he could handle a little discomfort. It was entirely worth it.

Quickly, Janus made his was through the forest made of bare trees with thin, stunted trunks that somehow made them look starved. First, he came across the duke himself, who was being swarmed by a cloud of tiny creatures buzzing angrily. The creative side shrieked and careened through the forest in the opposite direction of Janus. Good. Remus seemed busy, just like he had announced to the whole house before he disappeared into his half of the Imagination. Janus wouldn't be discovered here.

Janus continued on as quickly as possible before whatever was chasing Remus could notice his presence. This part of the Imagination was the most deadly, and he had no interest in being delayed by the newest bloodthirsty creatures.

Finally, he made it to the border that separated light and dark; good and bad; Roman and Remus. The centre of the Imagination. Janus lifted his hand and snapped his fingers. A new landscape popped into existence before him. Janus was the only living person who knew of this place, not even the twins had any clue. It was an oasis amongst everything else in his life. The only place that he could finally drop the act and just be himself.

Janus vividly remembers the day that he had seen this place for the first time. It’s one of the memories that haunted him most frequently at night, when he had nothing to distract him from the memories.

***

_"Hey, Jan!” Romulus burst into his room, pulling a startled hiss out of the snake side who had been taking a nap in the sunbeam that fell across his couch. The king happily ignored it, dropping onto the seat next to his best friend, which only served to throw Janus out of the comfortable position he had curled up in. “I made something!”_

_Janus buried his head into his pillow and mumbled, “Romulus, as you are clearly unable to see, I am much too far from consciousness to go on one of your adventures. Leave me to my sweet oblivion and come back later.” He paused, and added as an afterthought, “Preferably never.”_

_“Aw, c’mon Janus!” The pout in Romulus’ voice was clearly audible. “Don’t be like that. I know you love exploring the Imagination with me.”_

_“Dunno where you go that idea,” he lied, but rolled over to face the other all the same._

_Romulus was grinning – both of them knew that Janus could never fool him, despite his best efforts. They just knew each other too well by now._

_“It really won’t take too long, J,” Romulus said, “And I’d hardly call it an adventure. More like a surprise.”_

_Janus rolled his eyes. “That’s really not making me want to find out what it is. Now I’m seriously considering building a bomb shelter.”_

_“Come on, that was one time!”_

_“You literally made fireworks without having the slightest clue how they work and set them off_ inside _! It’s not possible for us to die, but let me tell you, I feared for my life! You’re too much of an idiot to make a non-lethal surprise.”_

_Romulus sighed dramatically and draped himself over Janus, “You wound me, good sir!”_

_Janus shoved him off the couch, where he faceplanted into the floor, snickering to himself._

_“I promise it’s entirely safe,” he reassured him, standing up, “and you can even sunbathe there.”_

_Janus was still doubtful. “Your idea of safe or a normal person’s?” he asked suspiciously._

_“A normal person’s, of course,” Romulus rolled his eyes. “I would never deliberately do anything to hurt you.”_

_“I distinctly remember you saying that dozens of times before. I think about four of them didn’t end in disaster.” Janus sat up anyway. “Very well. I suppose I’ll come with you, since you’ll just keep talking until I do.” Romulus squawked in protest. “Plus, you’re blocking the sunlight. That totally wasn’t on purpose, was it?”_

_“I would never do such a thing!” Romulus exclaimed instantly, helping his friend to his feet._

_“So, what’s this surprise of yours?” Janus asked, smiling wryly as they made there way into the Imagination._

_The king scoffed, “if I told you, it would be a surprise, as you very well know.” He paused, considering, then continued, “But I’ll tell you this. It’s a secret, for just the two of us.”_

_The smirk on Janus’ face soften into an expression full of genuine fondness. “Lead the way then, Your Majesty.”_

***

Janus made his way through the foliage, towards the middle. The plants here were strange, ferns and tall grasses and all manner of plants that he couldn’t name. All of them had a dusty pinkish colour, rather than anything more common. He was framed on all sides by nature so roseate, it didn’t quite feel real.

It was a part of this secret place that Janus could never quite figure out which part of Romulus had made it – was it Roman or was it Remus? He wished he could stop comparing everything that the king had ever done with the twins. It felt like he was sullying his memory somehow, reducing him from being an individual into something else. Still, it was the most present thought in his mind, whenever thinking of Creativity in any of its forms.

That was the reason that Janus could never bring himself to look Roman in the eye. There was always the ghost of Romulus hovering over his shoulders, and the last thing Janus wanted was to see was his best friend staring out at him from someone else’s eyes. Because that would leave him broken, the deceitful side knew, far more than he already was.

The air held a faint but distinct smell, something soft and fresh, slightly floral but not so much that it became cloying. Sometimes, when he stayed in this forest for too long the scent would cling to his clothes for a few days, like sentimentality was refusing to let him out of its grip.

The sky overhead was a heavy yellow, that probably should have been uncanny and unnerving, but that Janus simply found comforting. He could never figure out if it was because yellow was _his_ colour or if it was simply because it was one of Romulus’ creations. He’d never felt like he was in any sort of danger with anything the king made that was supposed to be frightening. Even the most monstrous of creatures acted like giant, venomous puppies around Janus, a fact that never failed to make him feel smug.

Of course, none of Romulus’ ideas existed any longer, only this place he made for them both as a refuge from the world. Janus often suspected that he was the one who kept it in existence, perhaps from desperation and sheer willpower alone.

The sky here, was definitely Remus’ doing. Probably one of the side’s more tame creations, but Roman would never have made something so… eerie.

Finally, he made it into the centre of the rosy coloured forest, where the lake was. The lake was a made by Roman, of that Janus was sure. The colour might have been unnatural (not quite opaque, but far less transparent than normal water), but it was so pleasant, such a deep blue that it was like sapphires were gently rippling in the light breeze. The whole surface looked like it was cast in starlight, sparkling and delicate.

Slowly, Janus slipped his shoes off and dipped his feet into the water. It was pleasantly cool, but the rest of the climate was warm enough that it never became a problem for him, even being cold-blooded.

Sighing softly, Janus looked out across the waters wistfully and allowed himself to be swept up in memories once again.

***

_Romulus was floating on his back a few metres from the shore, staring up and the golden sky. “You know, I’ve been thinking,” he said._

_“Oh really?” Janus quipped back instinctively, “be careful, wouldn’t want you to get hurt.”_

_“Yeah, yeah,” the other laughed, turning his head to face his friend where he sat in the shallower waters. “I’m sure you’ll be there to teach me the proper method of using my final braincells.”_

_Janus slipped further into the water. “Of course,” he muttered, before clearing his throat and continuing. “So, you were thinking?” He prompted._

_Romulus was grinning at him with amusement glittering in his eyes, but he didn’t comment on Janus’ obvious subject change. “Yeah, so I was thinking about your Purpose. It doesn’t really fit the pattern.”_

_Janus raised an eyebrow. “Pattern?”_

_“Yeah, the pattern!” Romulus was getting more enthusiastic the further he got into his explanation, making the serpentine side smile slightly. “See, you’ve got Creativity, Logic, Morality – those are all considered good traits to have and have positive connotations. Even Anxiety could have been more negative sounding, like ‘Fear’ or ‘Paranoia’. Those are all just as an important part of what he does, but his Purpose is much less… antagonistic sounding, I guess. And then there’s just ‘Deceit’.”_

_“Are you saying you think my Purpose is negative?” Janus gasped in mock outrage._

_Romulus stood up and shook his head, spraying aquamarine droplets everywhere. “No, that’s just what I’m saying, it’s not! You do so much more than just lying, you’re Thomas’ self-preservation for one thing, and you hide things from him that he's not ready to know.” He paused, trying to find the best way to voice his ideas. “But Deceit is something most people would think of as being bad before anything else. I guess I just wondered why.”_

_Janus snorted. “How the hell am I supposed to know? Ask Thomas.”_

_Romulus gave a melodramatic groan, “Just humour me, would me.”_

_“Not a chance,” Janus declared, leaning back. “I mustn’t feed into your overgrown ego any more than I already do.”_

_Romulus squawked in protest and dragged his friend into the water, making him shriek._

***

Janus frequently found himself wishing that he hadn’t said things like that. What a waste of breathe! Why would he have spent his time finding ways to playfully insult Romulus, when he should have been telling him how much the other truly meant to him as much as their limited time would have allowed. Janus hoped that Romulus knew regardless, but with a friendship built on taunting and derision, there was truly no way to know. The uncertainty of that would never stop plaguing him.

It was why Janus used to shower Roman with compliments, until he was drowning in them. It was comforting sometimes, to imagine that he could express his love to a part of his friend. It was the next best thing to having Romulus there to praise instead.

Of course, that catharsis was quickly soured when he realised that Roman thought he was _lying_. Genuinely, Janus couldn’t figure out if that doubt came from his reputation as a snake and a liar or the prince’s own low self-esteem. Both possibilities made his stomach curl in on itself.

Or maybe Roman’s self-worth issues stemmed from the flattery that he thought to be disguised disdain. Funnily enough, that idea didn’t help much.

They weren’t lies, none of them. Why could nobody really see that? Every kind word he had ever directed at Roman were truthful. Partially. They weren’t for him, not really – they were for Romulus. But Roman was part of Romulus, the part of himself that he always took such pride in. So, they were just half-lies, that he meant with his whole being and not at all. It was not Janus’ fault that this situation was so twisted that not even the truth was true anymore.

Perhaps Romulus’ consciousness was floating around somewhere, watching the goings on. What would he think? Would he understand what Janus was trying to do? Would he hear the sincerity in his words, or would he think Janus cruel and insensitive, cutting down those in his path – even his allies – to achieve his goals.

Wincing, Janus recalled his most recent interaction with Roman.

_Thank god you don’t have a moustache._

Why did he say that? He knew all too well how badly the other side would take it. He said it anyway.

_Otherwise between you and Remus, I wouldn’t know who the evil twin is._

Janus might not have struck first but there was no excuse for playing on someone’s insecurities, let alone one that hadn’t even been divulged to you by the person themself!

Huffing at himself, Janus snapped himself into some more comfortable clothes, a tee-shirt and jeans, and waded out further until the shimmering water came up to his knees.

***

_“Alright, what’s up with you?” Janus finally snapped._

_Romulus had been acting strange all day – he was just sitting, head buried in his knees and his arms around himself, looking uncharacteristically vulnerable. There was no banter, no Disney songs, no innuendos that made everybody but Janus cringe._

_When Janus had dragged his friend to the lake in a last bid effort to cheer his friend up, Romulus had simply resumed the same position at the water’s edge, despite the fact that Janus had already dived right in. Something was clearly wrong, and it made Janus want to possibly subtly threaten the life of whoever the culprit was._

_Instead of answering with the name of someone to enact some good old fashioned revenge on, Romulus asked, “Do you think I’m bad for Thomas?” In such a small voice that it would have set off alarm bells if they hadn’t already been ringing all morning._

_Janus actually relaxed at the question. So it was just the usual doubt and insecurity that came with being the Ego. For a second, he had thought there was something seriously wrong. This, he knew how to deal with._

_What a mistaken assumption that was._

_“Of course not. You know our Centre would be lost without you.” Janus replied in in the soft, sincere tone that was reserved for one person and one person alone. “You are one of the most integral parts of Thomas, he couldn’t function without you, Rom. In no conceivable way are you ‘bad’ for him.”_

_“But!” Romulus flung out his hands in frustration, “but I hurt him.”_

_Janus frowned. That was not the usual reaction. Usually he'd get a soft smile and a 'you're right, thank you, Jan'. He was far less prepared for how to comfort his best friend now._

_“I- what?” He exclaimed incredulously. “What do you mean?”_

_“Today, I made Thomas write something that Morality didn’t like.”_

_Janus scowled. Morality was a consistent thorn in his side, constantly keeping the deceitful facet from doing his job. He knew that it wasn’t Morality’s fault their Purposes opposed each other so much, and it probably wasn’t fair to hate the other for that, but it didn’t stop him from doing it anyway. “So? What does his opinion matter? He’s not the artist here.”_

_“I know, I know! But he said it was bad, in a different way. He said I shouldn’t think about those things because it’s wrong. Said it’ll reflect badly on Thomas.” The annoyance in Romulus’ voice dissipated quickly, leaving misery in it’s place. He wouldn’t meet Janus’ eyes. “And Mum was upset when he showed her. She didn’t say anything, but she didn’t even show it to Dad like normal, and she made that face, you know the one.”_

_Janus did know the one. It was a pinched face that Thomas’ Mum made when she was displeased but didn’t want to say anything in case it upset someone. It was an expression that spoke far louder than anything she could say anyway._

_“It’s like- sometimes the things I make are great, and everyone likes them, and they make Thomas happy. But then sometimes my ideas are too gruesome or cruel or gross or, or…” Romulus trailed off, but Janus didn’t say anything, because how could he reply to the raw, unfiltered thoughts that had never once been voiced to him? How long had his been eating at the king? “And it makes everyone upset, and then, Thomas hates them. And I can’t tell when it goes to far! When does it stop being a 'good villain' and start being disturbing? Why can’t I just think of good things, why must a part of me be so twisted? I hate it!”_

_At last Janus found his voice. “You’re_ not _twisted!” He snarled. “Just because some of your ideas are too much for some people to stomach doesn’t make them bad! People have different tastes, it’s Morality’s own problem he can’t see the merit in your work.”_

_“But what if-” Romulus started._

_“No!” Janus cut him off abruptly, almost trembling with fury. But not at Romulus, never Romulus. “No. You’re ideas are fine the way they are. I like them the way they are. You don’t need to change them.” He took a steadying breath before continuing. “Besides, what are you going to do? Cut out the parts of yourself that you don’t like?” He chuckled half-heartedly. “There’s nothing wrong with you. I know it might not seem like that now, but you’ll learn to see it.”_

_“Yeah.” Romulus said quietly. “You’re right.”_

_And, foolishly, Janus had thought that would be the end of it._

_For someone so pessimistic, Janus could be surprisingly naive sometimes._

***

Janus’ relationship with Remus was, surprisingly, perhaps even worse that with Roman. While it would have been more advantageous to maintain a friendship with the other dark side (or even just an alliance, in a world where everyone was against them both), Janus just couldn’t bring himself to spend more than a few minutes in Remus’ company.

Remus was the reason Romulus was no longer here. Remus was what Romulus had literally destroyed himself to get rid of. If that part of the king had never existed, then his best friend would still be around.

Janus knew that wasn’t true. Without the darker part of him, Romulus wouldn’t have truly been Romulus. Still, he’s always been a liar.

The lack of a connection between Remus and Janus was certainly not for a lack of trying. On Remus’ part, of course. It was almost pathetic, the way he would show up with some kind of gory creation to show, looking for approval. Janus showed disinterest at best, but far more often, disgust. The crushed look of disappointment on the duke’s face each time was heart wrenching.

Why Remus continued to come back to the deceitful side, after so long with no sign of any possibility of anything more than a reluctant acquaintanceship was beyond Janus. He had been nothing but cruel, and yet Remus kept coming back. Like a particularly unpleasant stray cat.

But he supposed that’s what happens when you’re born to be the sum of everything that makes people afraid or uncomfortable. When you have nothing and nobody but the faint idea that this horrible person who is blatant about their open hatred of you, is supposed to be your friend.

Actually, Janus didn't know if either of the twins had any memories of their time as Romulus. Maybe he was the only person who had to live with the grief of it.

Janus swam lengths, back and forth across the lake as he mused. He hadn’t bothered to change into a swimsuit to do so, and the clothing became waterlogged, pulling him backwards as he went.

Remus was rowdy, clingy, and chaotic. His company offered Janus nothing but irritation and tear-soaked memories.

But Romulus had been loud, affectionate, and spontaneous. Were those not just the same things?

Janus didn’t really regret estranging himself from the company of either of the twins. However, he did regret the hurt he had caused Remus in his need to be away from the constant reminders of his grief.

***

_Romulus had been becoming more and more withdrawn for a couple of weeks now. At first, Janus had thought nothing of it, he often became like this when struggling with a creative block. Although creative blocks usually only lasted several days at most. This one must have been especially bad. Maybe Janus could help somehow. He’d ask when they got back to the Mind Palace._

_Still, he hadn’t made the connection with that troubling conversation they’d had before._

_Both the sides were sitting silently in the shallow part of the lake, the water coming up to their waists and lapping at them so that they swayed slightly with each wave. Everything was eerily quiet, the wind didn’t stir and there was no chattering of small forest creatures. Whether that was because Romulus couldn’t bother to keep up the little details in the pretence anymore or the Imagination reacting to its master’s mood, Janus couldn’t tell._

_Abruptly, Romulus stood up, the sudden movement sending bright blue water spraying._

_“Where are you going?” Janus asked, in both curiosity and concern. When he got like this, the king was far more likely to do something stupid without thinking it through first._

_“I’ll only be a few minutes.” Romulus replied woodenly, turning to face into the rosy-coloured woods. Something about that statement felt off to Janus, like it was entirely honest but not in the way he expected it be. But, of course, he didn’t want to pry. Romulus would probably tell him what he was doing later, anyway._

_Romulus went to take a step, then paused. “Goodbye,” he said._

_Janus gazed after him as he disappeared between the trees._

_Not long after his friend was out of sight, a strange, lilac-coloured mist crept out of the forest, pressing against the warm air that always came with the lake. It muted the colours of everything around it. Long fingered tendrils caressed Janus’ face, icy cold._

_He dragged himself out of the lake, not wanting to catch a chill, and found a tree to lean against while he waited for Romulus’ return. Never before had Janus seen the lake anything but brightly coloured and pleasantly warm. He pulled his cloak tighter around himself and shivered._

_The yellow of the sky had long since fallen away into a black velvet, that seemed to stretch upwards forever and yet, like he could reach out and sink his hand into it. Tiny golden lights bobbed softly over the surface of the lake and the ground, illuminating everything and setting the water glittering._

_It had been midday when they had arrived in the Imagination, but now night had fallen. The cold was curling up inside Janus’ bones and his whole body was shuddering. The king had said he would only be a few minutes, so where the hell was he? Where was Romulus?_

_Finally, the sound of footsteps came from the direction Romulus had gone. Janus stiffly turned his head to look for Romulus._

_It was strange though. There seemed to be two sets of footsteps. Janus knew that he would never bring another side to their secret place. Maybe Romulus was coming back with a new character?_

_Two unfamiliar sides stumble past the tree line. One was dressed in red and white and gold; the other, green and black and silver. Both were lost, scared, and disorientated._

_Janus quickly realised that he would never see Romulus again._

***

Taking a deep breath, Janus submerged himself in the sapphire water of the lake, eyes slipping closed. And if a few clear droplets mixed with the blue, well. There wasn’t anyone here to accuse him of crying anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I cry while writing this? Maybe. The poor babies!
> 
> Did I write half of this at 4am? Yes. No regrets.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this, let me know what you think in the comments!


	2. i need you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus talks to Remus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings:  
> Remus being Remus  
> A brief innuendo  
> Minor injuries  
> Brief blood mention  
> Disturbing imagery
> 
> Also, Remus doesn't know Janus' name, because I need a name reveal that doesn't hurt.

Janus stepped out of the lake, still lost in thought. Little droplets of water rolled off his shoulders like jewels, leaving him as dry as when he first stepped in. He began the trek back to the edge of the pink forest with his shoulders slumped.

Going into the Imagination, Janus always felt determined. He had a goal, a destination, and he was going to get there, no matter what. Leaving, however, he felt numb. He felt like he’d exhausted his emotions, and they needed time to recharge. He felt somewhere between empty and melancholy. His mind wasn’t quite there, not thinking about anything in particular but leaving him on autopilot anyway. Fatigue weighed heavily on him, almost as much as the sorrow. It was the worst part of his little trips down memory-lane.

Janus was so distant from the present, that he didn’t notice the figure watching him from the other side of the treeline. He walked right past what looked like nothing more than an oddly shaped shadow from the corner of his eye.

“Deceit!” Someone called out.

Janus spun around, his heart trembling in his chest. There, right next to the secret place, the place nobody was supposed to know about, was Remus.

He felt so exposed. He wasn’t in any shape to interact with anyone, the mask of the villain that he hides behind was just out of reach and he couldn’t summon the energy to slip it on. Remus had seen the woods. This was the one place nobody else was supposed to know about, the only place where Janus could allow himself to be vulnerable because it was supposed to be _safe_. And now it wasn’t. How was he supposed to truly relax when at any moment Remus could pop up?

In a panic, Janus snapped his fingers and the entire forest disappeared. He couldn’t let anyone know, this was their _secret place._ Remus only spared a glance behind him at the empty air.

“Deceit?”

Hoping to regain his composure, Janus reached his hands up to smooth down his cape, only to freeze. He was still wearing his casual attire. Layers of heavy, dark clothing had been stripped away, leaving him in nothing but a yellow tee-shirt and shorts. He couldn’t change it now, that would be even more suspicious than vanishing the forest had been. But the lack of weight where it should be only reminded him of how unprotected he was at the moment.

Sighing internally, he pulled himself up to his full height. He could do this. He just had to act like he hadn’t just been crying (despite his, most likely, red-rimmed eyes) and that he didn’t feel so far out of his depth that he couldn’t breathe. “Remus.”

Remus looked at him with what looked concerningly like _worry_ , for some reason. “What are you doing here?”

Janus’ breath caught in his chest. “I don’t know what you mean. Am I not allowed into the Imagination like anyone else?” He drawled, desperate to deflect the question.

The intrusive side frowned, the serious expression seeming vastly out of place on his face. “You know exactly what I mean, snakey. You’ve been coming here at least every fortnight for about three months. You always claim you’re having a self-care day when you do, but nobody ever sees you doing anything around the Mind Palace, and I know for a fact that the Imagination is anything but relaxing for you. Nobody else seems to notice that though.”

Janus took a moment to appreciate how surprisingly perceptive that was for Remus. Janus had no idea that he was sharp enough to pick up on such inconsistencies (internally, Janus scolded himself for that thought. Remus may do stupid things, but that didn’t make _him_ stupid. They were _sides,_ none of it could cause permanent damage. And it wasn’t like Janus was ever in the company of the other long enough to gain any true insight into his character.)

Then Janus remembered the result of Remus’ perception and blanched. “You know about that?” He had been so careful! He’d always made sure that everyone was occupied, _especially_ the twins, before leaving. Sometimes he’d come in the middle of the night to avoid being spotted! So how the hell did _Remus_ know?

“Oh yeah, of course! I can sense anyone in my half of the Imagination. It’s like people are walking around on my brain!” The duke chirped. “Ooh, that’s an interesting visual! I wonder if-”

His face drained further. If Remus could tell whenever he came, did that mean that when he was still using Roman’s portal… “Can your brother do that too?” He asked, just a bit too quickly to feign nonchalance and cutting off Remus’ monologue.

Remus hummed. “Probably. I never really bothered to check.”

That’s fine. It’s fine. Even if Roman knew he used to travel through his part of the Imagination, he couldn’t have known where to. The prince would have confronted him about his ‘villainous schemes’ if he discovered something in the Imagination that neither of the twins knew about. And Roman probably wouldn’t stalk him to get answers anyway. Probably.

“Anyway, Double D, you haven’t answered my question. Don’t think I didn’t notice your attempt at distracting me. You should know better.” Remus said smugly. “So. What are you doing here?”

“Visiting an old friend.” Janus shrugged, trying to act as though he wasn’t far too close to revealing his dearest secret. Why did he even say that much? If he wasn’t careful, soon everyone would know! It just felt… right, to let Remus in, just a little, on this secret. Which was weird and very worrying. Since when had he wanted to share things with Remus?

Something about visiting the lake always left him feeling uncomfortably open and honest.

Remus stared at him, unblinkingly, for a long time. Long enough to put Janus on edge. What if he demanded to know more? What if he wanted to know who? Janus couldn’t handle that. He knew he would never find the words to talk about Romulus. How could he ever describe everything that Romulus was, and to _Remus_ no less.

Finally, Remus nodded. “Well, okay then. Just so you know, I won’t pry into whatever naughty secret you’re keeping,” he winked at Janus, and the serpentine side rolled his eyes fondly before he could catch himself. It felt so familiar, the random innuendos being thrown casually into conversation. The duke waved a dismissive hand, “you don’t have to sneak around anymore, Deceit.”

“Janus.” He blurted out.

“What?” Remus’ brow creased in confusion.

Janus cleared his throat. Silently, he cursed his sudden candidness. “My name. Call me Janus.”

The look of shock on his face would have been comical if it didn’t remind Janus of how badly he’d hurt Remus. Remus couldn’t even imagine Janus ever wanting to share something so personal with him. Janus had promised Romulus that he’d be there for him, always. And while Romulus might not be here anymore, while Janus had already failed in making him feel wanted, this was half of his friend who he’d failed in the same way. The thought filled Janus with melancholy, but also determination. He might have failed Romulus, and he would never be able to fix that, but he could begin to make amends, starting with the side in front of him.

Then Remus beamed. “Okay, J-anus!”

Janus rolled his eyes again, this time in annoyance. Although, really, what else was he expecting?

Hurt flashed across Remus’ expression for a brief second before it was wiped from his face, the usual manic grin back in its place. He spun around, throwing a wave over his shoulder and hollering, “I’ll see you later, snake-face!”

Janus’ heart dropped. So soon after his resolution and he was already messing it up. How was he supposed to make it up to Remus for years of isolation when it was already going wrong?

“Wait!” He called out, and Remus paused. As he hesitantly turned back, Janus frantically sought something to begin a conversation with. His eyes caught on the tears in Remus’ outfit. It wasn’t the most fashionable of outfits and it was messily made, but it was usually kept in pristine condition. It must have been from that cloud of creatures that Janus had seen swarming the duke earlier.

Remus was looking at him expectantly (and perhaps a bit warily, which made Janus’ heart clench with guilt).

“Um.” Janus began eloquently, “You…look terrible.” _Great going Janus! Insult the guy, that’ll make him feel better._

“I know, thanks for noticing,” Remus replied chipperly though he looked confused at the poor attempt at initiating conversation.

Now that he thought about it, Remus did look terrible. His hair was knotted, and a family of twigs and leaves seemed to have made a home there. There was dirt smeared all over him, and a superficial cuts and bruises littered his skin.

“What… what happened to you?” Janus continued. He was absolutely not giving up now. “Was it some new nightmarish creature of yours?”

Remus’ face lit up, as he realised that somebody was actually _asking_ to know more about his ideas. “Oh, absolutely! It was the Flesh-Eating Pixies! They’re really small, but they hunt in packs and they are _vicious_. I got swarmed by them just now and they chased me around for hours. They never tire out either. They have these sharp teeth like a shark’s, and they like to eat fresh meet right off the bone, sometimes while their prey is still living. And then, as I was running away from the Pixies, a tree moved in my way and that let them catch up with me. I was mad so I hit it with my Morningstar – I don’t think it liked that much – and it grabbed me and threw me half way across the kingdom! That’s how I managed to lose the Pixies, by the way.”

Janus listened closely to the rambling side. Something about this interaction felt so familiar but for once it didn’t hurt. No, that wasn’t right. It still hurt, but that hurt was buried deep, under fondness and a sense of relief.

Janus had thought he’d never get to have something like this again. Friendship. He’d never been popular, exactly, around the Mind Palace, but after Romulus had split, he’d pushed everyone away. Sometimes, it was a necessary part of his plan to be heard by Thomas. Most of the time it was out of spite and anger.

He hadn’t it realised until now, but Janus had been so lonely.

As Remus spoke, faint pictures of the events he described hung in the air and shimmered. He could see the pixies in far more detail than he needed – miniscule, humanoid creatures with tiny demonic looking wings sprouting from their backs, dressed in scraps of black fabric that were scandalously revealing and covered in blood that dripped from their maws. He watched a towering, charred tree creak as it moved a branch to lift Remus by the scruff of his neck and glared down at him before flinging him into the sky, Remus letting out a distant _weeeeeee._

There was an enthusiasm to the images and the words that spilled from Remus’ mouth with no filter that made shame curl in Janus’ heart. How long had it been since someone had shown any interest in Remus’ ideas? Had they ever been met with anything but disgust?

Janus had never felt repulsed by the way Remus thinks. He was amused, mainly, if not intrigued. And he knew that as Creativity, Remus would need validation from an outside source. Not to mention that he would need a friend. He’d been forced to live in utter isolation because of nothing but his Purpose. The treatment Janus got for being Deceit was bad enough. How must it feel to be made of everything that most didn’t want to even think about? To be created just so you can be kept away from your counterpart, the embodiment of ‘purity’ and ‘goodness’ and everything you’re not.

Not anymore, Janus vowed. Remus would never again want for company, or for someone to listen.

And if, along the way, Janus also eliminated some of his loneliness? Well, he’d always been selfish.

***

After Janus first extended the olive branch, Remus seemed hesitant to trust it. Not that Janus could blame him, Remus probably didn’t even know what friendship looked like. The intrusive side still mostly kept his distance, not even showing off his latest creation like he used to occasionally. That was something that the deceitful side found he missed sorely.

But Janus was patient. The relationship he had with Romulus had taken time to build, and that had been without the rocky start. And Remus might not even want his friendship after that.

So, a couple of days later to give him time to regain his usual poise, he took Remus’ invitation to use his portal freely. But he didn’t go to the lake. For the first time in a long while, Janus was in the Imagination for something other than his grief. It was strange, to walk through the forest of petrified trees in the opposite direction, until he came across what looked like a stream of petrol, grey and oily with a dull iridescence floating just below the surface. How bizarre, that he visited the Imagination so often and yet knew next to nothing of it.

It was then that Janus realised he actually had no clue how to find Remus. The Imagination was vast, he could be anywhere. All the serpentine side could do was hope that Remus would sense his change in routine and come find him.

Sure enough, just as Janus was settling down to wait by the stream, Remus appeared in front of him, grinning wildly. “Hey there, snakey!”

Janus smiled slightly. “I told you, Remus, you can call me Janus.”

The other side faltered slightly at that. “Right. I prefer snakey anyway.”

Janus frowned. Maybe Remus didn’t realise that had been a genuine offer. The idea of that upset him more than he would have expected. While being Deceit had gained him the reputation of a liar, he’d thought that when it mattered, he was trusted by others to be honest.

Remus regained his composure remarkably quickly. “So, what are you doing here, Double D?”

“I was looking for you.” Janus paused, considering how best to proceed without sounding suspicious. “I had some spare time, so I was hoping you could show me more of your realm.”

Apparently, that had been the right thing to say, because Remus was suddenly bouncing on the balls of his feet and beaming so brightly that he was almost glowing. “Really?”

Janus’ smiled wider in response. “Absolutely.”

The two spent the afternoon walking from place to place, Remus filling in the silence with information about all the different things they saw. Carnivorous flowers with fangs instead of petals that would bite off your toes if you stopped walking for too long; what looked like an ordinary castle until you stepped through the doors, when the hallways would stretch and contort until you’re nauseous and disorientated; a cave with bizarre echoes that would twist your words into erotic moans.

As they were walking away from the cave, Remus’ constant stream of chatter attracted the attention of one of the monsters that roamed this half of the Imagination. Both heads snapped to the side at the sound of irregular, lumbering footsteps.

“Uh oh.” Remus said.

“What? What do you mean _uh_ _oh_?” Janus asked. Anything that made _Remus_ worried was probably really bad news.

“The Hydra Bear.” The duke was practically buzzing now, although that could be from excitement or apprehension, there was never any way to know with Remus. “Every time you cut off a piece of it, it grows three more! So it had a lot of heads now. And feet. And _teeth_.”

Sure enough, out of the shadows came an enormous bear, with multiple heads and limbs bulging out painfully from places there really shouldn’t be heads _or_ limbs. It was a knot of tangled limbs so overcrowded it could hardly move. There was a jaw that couldn’t open due to the leg that grew over it, and a paw that only clawed at all the other body parts near it with every movement, due to the lack of space. The whole beast was covered in matted grey fur.

It lumbered haphazardly towards them, several growls from several throats layered over each other and rumbling through the air. Janus didn’t know whether to fear the brute or pity it. Then, as it loomed closer, and swiped at the pair with three claws at once, he decided on fear. He grabbed Remus by the arm and dragged the other along as he took off in the opposite direction of the bear.

By the end of the day, both were panting after fleeing from the numerous monsters that hunted them through the realm. The adrenaline of each chase left them giddy – both of them were giggling hysterically as they collapsed onto the floor of the living room after their final narrow escape.

“What’s with all the commotion, kiddos?” A voice drifted into the room and Patton stepped into view. He looked down on the pile of sides on the carpet and his mouth curled up in amusement.

When Janus realised that someone had seen him in such an undignified position, he scrambled to his feet and cleared his throat uncomfortably.

Patton’s smile disappeared from his face almost instantly. It was only then that Janus noticed that people other than the twins may have noticed how withdrawn he was, even after gaining acceptance. The moral side had been feeling so guilty lately, Janus wouldn’t be surprised if he wrongly blamed himself for it. That would be something to keep an eye on. Patton wouldn’t be persuaded to stop beating himself up over his past mistakes, the last thing he needed was to regret something that wasn’t his fault.

Thankfully, Remus bulldozed straight through the awkwardness. “Janny and I nearly got eaten by the Acidic-Spitting Crows! It was epic, the acid was all sizzle-y and it was burning everything! Did you know that a group of crows is called a murder?”

“That’s, uh,” Patton tried. The look on his face was laughable. “That’s nice, kiddo. Why don’t you both get cleaned up and ready for dinner.”

Now that he mentioned it, that was probably a good idea. Both of their clothes were covered with smoking holes, not to mention the twigs and leaves that covered them from careening through the forest.

“Thanks, Patton,” Janus said, smiling to try to assuage any possible guilt the other might be feeling. “We’ll be back in a bit.” He then yanked Remus away before he could say anything else to make the moral side more uncomfortable.

Overall, Janus reflected when he finally got some time alone, the day had been a success. He’d hopefully began to fix the state of his relationship with Remus, and they’d both had fun doing it. He couldn’t ask for more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The bits about Remus in this always make me the saddest. Remus is Adorable (try to change my mind, I dare you) and he doesn't deserve this!
> 
> The Hydra Bear was inspired by the Multi-Bear from Gravity Falls, can you tell?  
> Anyway, thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Let me know what you think the comments.  
> Also, forgive me if the final chapter takes a bit of time to be posted, I'm starting school again soon so I'll have less time to write.


	3. to be free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus apologises to Roman

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> False alarm, I finished this much sooner than I expected. And it's a bit longer than the last chapter, so enjoy! I also changed the summary because I didn't like it.
> 
> There aren't many warnings for this one, just food mentions, a brief death mention and accidently consuming things that are not meant to be consumed.
> 
> (If you spot the random Doctor Who quote, you get a cookie!)

Janus found himself sitting at the lake’s edge once more. It had been several weeks since his last visit, which felt… bizarre. It felt almost impossible, after years of spending as much time as possible sneaking into the Imagination for that purpose. Time that he would have spent with Romulus if he had a choice. Returning once again was like walking through a dream.

The thing was, he hadn’t felt the need to come here for a while. Usually when there was a long stretch of time that he wasn’t able to return, he used to feel an aching longing like an itch beneath his skin. He’d become antsy and snappish, until he finally found the time to visit the forest.

But now he had Remus to keep him distracted from that, with his hair-raising adventures through the Imagination or even just casual conversation. He almost didn’t notice the time slipping through his fingers. Now, Janus had something to do other than the work he does for Thomas and missing Romulus. He sometimes spent hours at a time in Remus’ company just having fun and enjoying each other’s friendship, hours in which the idea of mourning didn’t even pass his mind.

That wasn’t to say that there weren’t still times when the weight of his grief could become so heavy that it crushed him into the ground until he couldn’t get up, but that weight was no longer a burden he had to carry alone.

It was weird, having nobody here with him. In the years since the Split, he’d managed to get used to always having an empty space next to him where Romulus should have been. But in the recent weeks he’d also grown used to the constant companionship that came with having a proper family consisting of more than just a ghost.

Remus had respected his promise not to enquire into what Janus was doing. They hadn’t even spoken about his frequent excursions into the Imagination since he had first confronted the deceitful side about it. Not that Janus had been expecting anything different, Remus had always prided himself on his brutal honesty.

Maybe one day he’d be able to tell Remus the real reason that he came here. It would be nice to finally be able to get that off his shoulders. The duke certainly deserved an explanation for why he had been so cruel at first, even if he hadn’t asked for one. And an apology. But not yet. Janus wasn’t quite ready for that yet.

Janus splashed a foot through the water, throwing drops of bright blue everywhere. It was a carefree action that Romulus would have laughed at. He’d have said something about how the big bad snake man was really just a kid at heart, and Janus would have snarked something similar in response. He smiled at that bittersweet thought.

The sudden lightness that he felt made his demeanour much more tolerable, something he was sure the other had noticed. He’d began to interact with Logan and Patton more often as a result, even Virgil was less distant. Janus liked to think that he was earning redemption for the things he had done to hurt them too.

Because Janus was no fool, he knew he had made horrible mistakes in his quest to be heard. He had sent Thomas into a downwards spiral as he questioned himself more than he had for a long time just by revealing his existence; he had made Patton feel inadequate, made him second guess his every thought; his repeated impersonations of Logan had made the logical side question his place and importance in the little mismatched family that Janus had decided to force himself into; he had knowingly hurt Virgil with the constant thinly veiled threats to reveal his secret, for no purpose other than revenge. He should know better, he knew Virgil, knew how badly he would take it.

That might be one of the worst things he’s done. For goodness sake, he was Deceit! He knew the importance of keeping your secrets close to your chest, the feeling of everything being out of your control when someone tore them from you.

He should have been more careful with their feelings, considered more than just how it would further his plan.

But... didn’t the end justify the means? Especially in this case. He might have hurt the other sides, but it was to help Thomas. When Thomas suffers, so do the sides. Janus was just… helping them. All of them. It was for the greater good. Right?

Janus sighed. These thoughts were just dancing around what he really needed to think about. But denial wouldn’t do anyone any good.

There was still one person who he hadn’t spoken to at all since his messy acceptance months ago.

Roman had been doing everything he could to avoid being in the same space as Janus. His strategy had been to stay in his room whenever Janus was around, but as Janus became more and more integrated into the ‘famILY’ (as Patton liked to call it), that meant he was hiding in his room for most of the day. While he could understand why Roman would want to avoid another confrontation, this was definitely not going to help his already fragile mental state. Janus had to fix this.

But how? He’d been trying to approach Roman for a while now, but just the sight of him was enough to send the prince running. How were they supposed to have a reasonable discussion?

Obviously, finding him around the Mind Palace wasn’t the way to go about it, but the only other way could think of was to corner Roman while he’s in his room. Janus didn’t want to do it that way, it felt underhanded and cruel to force him into a conversation that he clearly didn’t want to have with no way out. It felt far too much like playing the villain, and he’s had enough of that role to last an eternity. But what else was he to do?

Janus sighed again. This was so frustrating, why couldn’t the solution just be simple?

Actually, he didn’t have to think about this right now. The lake was a place for him to relax away from the stress of the Mind Palace, so he’d just swim some lengths and have fun for now. Everything else could wait for a few hours.

With this in mind, Janus stood from where he was sitting and waded further into the water until he was deep enough to float of his back. He stared up at the golden sky, which was just beginning to dissolve into the glowing orbs that would light up the night. They floated down and settled all over the surface of the water so that it was glowing electric blue.

Some of them landed on Janus himself, nestled in his hair and clothes. The lights were pleasantly warm and ticklish, making him huff out a laugh.

Janus let his eyes slip shut, relaxing into the water and letting it carry his weight.

***

The next day dawned on Janus making his way down into the kitchen. After hours of deliberation of the dilemma, he came to the conclusion that the only way to go about this was to find Roman in his room. Though he hated to do it, he needed the prince to stay in the same space as him long enough to talk. There was no other conceivable way to do that short of grabbing Roman and tying him to a chair, which was _not_ going to happen.

Janus stopped just outside the kitchen, listening to the conversation inside. There was Patton’s voice, far too bubbly and excited for the morning as usual. Next sounded a monotone and clear voice – Logan, though that was not unexpected since he always awoke promptly.

Normally Janus would already be downstairs to eat whatever delicious breakfast Patton had cooked up for them and offer his greetings to his new… friends (sometimes he still hesitated to say that word). But today, he had to make sure a certain prince was there too. Roman hadn’t spoken yet, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t there yet. But if Janus entered the kitchen before Roman did, the princely side wouldn’t even come inside, which would totally ruin the plan.

Suddenly a distant crash rang out through the Mind Palace, making Janus jump. All conversation ceased.

“What the hell was that?” Virgil’s normally sullen voice was coloured with the beginnings of panic.

For a moment Janus considered going in to reassure him, meticulous planning be damned, but then–

“It was probably just Remus,” said Roman, “I’m sure he’s fine, no need to worry.”

Janus slid out of his hiding place and into the view of the four. Patton beamed at him and Virgil offered him an indifferent salute. Logan gave him a polite nod of acknowledgement.

But Roman’s eyes just widened at the sight of him. He stood so quickly he nearly knocked over the stool and scrambled backwards. “Uh, on second thought, that fiend may have gotten himself injured! I’d better go check on him.” He declared and hastily retreated.

Patton watched him go sadly, but this was such a common occurrence that Virgil didn’t even bother looking up from him phone. Logan still looked vaguely confused by the situation, which would have been amusing if it weren’t for the familiar sting of melancholy Janus felt at the way Roman fled at the sight of him.

“Good morning.” Janus offered awkwardly.

“Janus!” Patton exclaimed, quickly bouncing back from his disappointment, “Here, I made you breakfast!”

Janus took the plate held out to him and sat down in one of the two empty seats – quite deliberately not the one that Roman had just vacated. “Thank you, Patton. It looks delicious.”

“You’re welcome!” the moral side chirped.

Conversation quickly picked back up from there, but Janus didn’t say much unless he was directly addressed. It was difficult enough to stomach his food with the nerves that twisted in his gut, he didn’t need the added pressure of conversation to go with it.

Once he’d finished eating, in order to give Roman enough time to get back to his room (and hopefully seem less suspicious), Janus would go back upstairs, and finally tell the prince what he had wanted to since their last interaction. Hopefully, it would be well received. Because if it wasn’t, it might actually exacerbate the situation.

Janus’ heart was beating far too quickly for such a mundane breakfast.

He ate quickly before he could have second thoughts and got up abruptly. His unanticipated departure drew much more attention, everyone looking at him in concern.

“Are you good, dude?” Virgil asked.

Janus just nodded rapidly. Judging from the others’ faces, it wasn’t very convincing.

“Are you quite certain, Janus? You have been unusually reserved since you came down.”

Dammit, he’d thought that his act had been quite impressive. “Yes, I’m fine. I’ll see you all later.” The deceitful side said and hurried out.

He climbed back up the stairs and travelled down the corridor that housed all the sides’ rooms. Janus stopped outside Roman’s and just stood, staring at the door. He raised his fist and paused with it hovering about the wood.

He could just turn around now. The music was muffled through the walls, but the sound of Roman singing at the top of his lungs was hard to miss. He would never even know that Janus had been here, Janus could just leave and come up with a better plan later. He could leave a note. Why hadn’t he thought of that? A note!

Janus set his jaw, took a breath to steady himself, and knocked four times, firmly.

The singing cut off. The door stayed stubbornly closed.

He knocked again.

Irritated grumbling was heard and the rustling of blankets, before the soft thud of footstep trailed towards the door.

Roman’s expression was disgruntled, likely from being disturbed, but it only soured further when he saw exactly _who_ had disturbed him.

“Deceit,” he snarled.

“Roman.” Janus replied in kind, shuffling nervously on his feet. This was a bad idea, why did he think this was a good idea?

The prince shifted his body slightly and closed his door further, so that his room was entirely blocked from Janus’ view. “What?” Roman said, and the hostility in his voice took him aback. “Come to gloat?”

Janus was so genuinely startled by the accusation that his carefully planned speech flew out of his mind. “No!”

Roman glared harder. “And that means you have, doesn’t it? Of course.” It wasn’t really a question.

Janus answered anyway. “No, it- it means that I have no intention to _gloat_. I came to apologise.”

“Yeah right,” the fanciful side snorted.

Well, this could be going better. Janus had thought Roman would at least hear him out before dismissing him.

“I mean it!” He said desperately. “What I said to you was unnecessarily cruel, and far from true. You aren’t evil, and neither is Remus for that matter. I am… sorry, for the hurt that it has caused, and I regret that I have been too prideful to say so sooner.”

“Oh.” Roman’s face was unreadable as he processed what had just been said, and Janus prepared himself to be met with more scorn. “Um, thank you. Janus.”

The serpentine side’s shoulders slumped in relief. That was more than he had expected to get. He nodded and took one step backwards, about to leave, only to stop dead when Roman spoke again.

“And, same to you. I’m sorry that I laughed at your name, when it must have taken a lot of courage to share with us after we had done nothing to make you trust us. I made the same mistake with Virgil, too. I never seem to learn.” He huffed a self-deprecating laugh. “It’s just… my greatest fear is that I might be bad, for Thomas.”

“I know,” said Janus softly. _Far too well_.

“It was the only reason that I decided we should go to the wedding. I thought that agreeing with you would make me evil. And then, to find out that we had missed such a huge opportunity – that I _chose_ to miss that opportunity – for nothing! It hurt.”

Janus nodded solemnly. He was shocked to be offered so much honesty, so much _trust_ , so soon, but he was going to do his best to make sure he deserved to be trusted.

“But that’s no excuse,” Roman finished, a suspicious wobble to his voice. Janus chose not to mention that, nor did he mention how the prince’s eyes shone wetly. He suspected that Roman would not appreciate that concern the same way Romulus had. “And I’m sorry for always assuming the worst of you too.” Roman gave a small, bashful smile.

“Thank you, Roman. I appreciate that.” Janus replied graciously. “I hope this mean we can put an end to this bizarre game of hide and seek.”

Somehow, the other seemed confused by this statement. “What do you mean?”

“Roman.” The deceitful side deadpanned. “You have made a point to leave the room whenever I show up. Did you really think I wouldn’t realise you’ve been avoiding me?”

“Ah.” Roman said in lieu of an answer. “You noticed that.”

Janus snorted before he could remember that’s probably a bad idea. “It’s hard not to. Subtlety is _certainly_ your strongpoint.”

Shockingly, Roman actually grinned at the comment. “You got me there.”

They fell into silence, and the moment stretched until it became distinctly uncomfortable before he spoke up again.

“Uh, do you want to come in?” he asked as he stepped backward to allow Janus entry into his room, where a massive pillow fort had been set up in front of the TV. “I was just watching Disney.”

“I could tell,” Janus smirked, following the other in. “What were you watching?”

“The Little Mermaid,” Roman exclaimed enthusiastically, in almost the same tone as his brother had used to describe the Flesh Eating Pixies, and Janus had to suppress his laughter at that thought.

“Ah.” Janus said wisely, sarcasm dripping from his words. “I do always love a film about a person selling their voice to get rid of their scales.”

Roman paled. “Oh, no, I didn’t mean-”

 _What are you doing, Janus? It’s too soon for those kinds of jokes!_ Janus cursed internally.

Externally, he backtracked clumsily. “Uh, I… was just joking. Don’t worry.”

“Oh, okay. Good.” Roman looked distinctly relieved, making Janus wince at the shame he felt in response. The fanciful side ushered him to the pillow fort, where they both made themselves comfortable. Janus was very conscious of the foot of space between them, even in the enclosed area.

Hold on. There was still something he hadn’t cleared up.

“For what it’s worth, Roman,” he began, mind flicking through every way he could say what he meant. “You have always been Thomas’ hero. Everyone’s hero in fact. You’re the Prince of the Mind Palace, always doing what you can to protect your family. Nobody else could possibly ever fill that role.”

Roman gave a small, shy nod. “Do you me to go back to the start?” He asked suddenly.

“Oh no, that’s not necessary,” Janus replied hastily, but Roman had already begun to rewind the film, even though Janus could see he was past halfway through the movie.

“Nonsense!” he said boisterously. “I would absolutely love an opportunity to watch the masterpiece that is Disney once again!”

Janus sensed the lie in those words but kept his silence. It was a nice gesture, and as much as he didn’t want Roman to inconvenience himself for the sake of social niceties, he also did not want to squander it.

Roman clapped his hands to dimmed the lights, and the two settled in to watch the movie together.

***

The following morning came with a break in the familiar pattern. Janus descended the stairs and wandered into the kitchen. Once again, nearly everyone was there already, except Virgil who was probably sleeping in (well, if you can call it that when he probably only fell asleep a few hours ago). Remus was there this morning, and Janus watched with great amusement as Patton and Logan attempt to keep him causing too much chaos on his quest to make himself ‘breakfast’.

Then his eyes met Roman’s. They both froze, staring and each waiting for the other to make the first move. They may have just spent an hour and a half sitting in each other’s company, but it had been silent (or as silent as it gets when Roman is excitedly singing along to every song). Neither knew how that would change their dynamic. Finally, the prince broke eye contact and turned back to his breakfast.

But he didn’t leave. Janus was here, in the same room as him, and Roman didn’t leave.

The serpentine side continued to look at him, considering. And for once, he saw Roman. He saw Roman entirely whole as himself, not half of Romulus or even as the person Romulus wished he could be. Just Roman.

“There you are, kiddo. Here!” A plate of food was thrust in front of him, pulling him from his train of thought. He turned his head to see Patton’s smiling face, which was so warm and friendly that it automatically pulled a returning smile from him in response. “Don’t worry, I don’t think Remus has got to it yet,” Patton whispered.

He took the dish and went to sit down in the seat next to Roman. “Thanks,” he only hesitated for a split second before adding, “Dad.”

The way that Patton’s whole face lit up until it was practically glowing easily mitigated any awkwardness that he felt at calling someone his own age ‘dad’.

On the other side of the counter, Remus was adding washing up liquid to a mug of coffee while Logan watched on in resigned agitation.

At that moment, Virgil walked through the door with his hoodie slung over one arm and his hair flat at the back, evidently having just gotten up. “You guys are really, _really_ ,” he cut himself off with a yawn. “Loud.” He finished, grumbling.

Everyone turned to face him, even Logan abandoned his vigilance over Remus’ actions.

“Oh, sorry Virge. We’ll try to be more quiet tomorrow.” Patton said apologetically.

“Don’t worry, emo!” Remus sang, mug in hand. “I made you coffee!”

Virgil was clearly half asleep because he normally wouldn’t even think of consuming something given to him by Remus. “Oh, thanks.” He said.

“I wouldn’t drink that, Virgil.” Logan hurriedly pulled the mug from the anxious side before he could take a sip. “Remus has added all kinds of thing to that, including mud, washing up liquid and sherbet.” He held out a different mug. “Here, this one has not been tampered with.”

Virgil scowled at Remus, taking the offered drink, “Thanks L, that could have been bad.” He took a gulp of the liquid and immediately gagged.

“Hah!” Remus crowed, “Tricked you, Lo! I swapped the mugs when you weren’t looking!” Remus’ cackles mingled with Virgil’s muttered profanities and Logan’s apologies in the background.

“Remus!” Roman scolded his brother, doing his best to sound angry but he clearly found the situation hilarious, “I just can’t believe you, why would you _do_ that? You are a walking _hazard_ -”

Janus watched the scene unfold and the smile never left his face. He was surrounded by his family, all of them bickering with each other but it was only in jest. Patton was flapping his arms about and trying to deescalate the situation, even though it was far too late for that and nobody was willing to back down.

A deep fondness welled up inside him. It was so sudden and strong that he couldn’t have stopped the words from spilling over if he had tried. “You guys are… you’re great.”

The arguing halted immediately at such an out of context comment.

“Aw, that’s so sweet kiddo! Thank you, you’re great too!” Patton chirped in reply.

The others all seemed a bit more perturbed by the statement, but each gave their gratitude as well anyway, and that was enough for Janus.

Because Romulus was no longer with him, Romulus had died a long time ago. That would never be okay, it would never stop hurting. Romulus was his first friend, his best friend and for a long time his only friend. Romulus would always have a place right in the centre of his heart.

But now Janus had more friends, ones who _were_ with him. He’d get to wake up every morning with a freshly made breakfast for them to all eat together. He’d spend hours baking with Patton until they had more cakes than they knew what to do with and have fierce philosophical debates with Logan. He have the chance to watch conspiracy videos with Virgil that made them stupidly paranoid and they laughed every time one of them jumped at shadow. He would be able to get up to all kinds of shenanigans in the Imagination with Remus and watch Disney movies with Roman all night. He have all of that, and he’d have it forever.

That was enough for Janus. It was more than enough, more than he’d expected to be given.

This was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's finished. Wow. This has been so fun to write, I hope you enjoyed reading it just as much. Leave a comment, I'd love to hear your thoughts!
> 
> (Did you spot the Doctor Who reference? You did? Well done, have a cookie!)


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